Life Lessons: Opening

03 Jul

My serendipitous encounter in the coffee bar may not have led to romance but it got me thinking about the idea of opening oneself up to love–and letting God do the rest.

Deepak Chopra refers to this as putting one’s desires out into the Universe and trusting that an answer will come. It takes faith and patience.

To illustrate by analogy, I will quote my wise friend and singing teacher, Sidra.The most useful piece of advice Sidra gave me–and it applies to much more than vocalizing–went something like this:

“Never TRY TO SING. Use your technique to prepare–open the mouth and throat, breathe, widen the eyes, drop the larynx, tuck the derriere–and then allow the note to happen.”

I have heard sports coaches describe athletic technique in the same way. Whether it’s a golfer’s swing, a skater’s leap, or a swimmer’s dive, the secret is always in the preparation. If you set up your moves correctly, chances are you will succeed.

Relationships are no different. Forcing, controlling, manipulating, striving, denying or drinking your way into a connection never works. Instead, you position yourself for a friendly encounter, and then allow your Higher Power to do the rest.

Sometimes you think you have set it up and it doesn’t happen. You try again. You ready yourself, you act “as if” to quote a popular catchphrase, and you allow the Universe to respond. It helps to try to relax and find ways to be happy in the interim.

This approach even works in the parallel universe known as internet dating.

Matchmaking websites, as you may know, are based on the premise that dating can be as easy as shopping. You pick the shape, size, style and color you want and then order your love from a website the same way you’d order a club sandwich from room service.

The problem with this add-to-cart approach is that it doesn’t factor in your Higher Power. You can demand–and even receive–the age, hair color, and body type you dream of but for magic and chemistry you need the Universe. At some point in your online dating process you have to loosen your grip, open your heart, allow space and mystery, let Spirit play a part.

It’s a simple idea, in a way, but not easy to pull off.

Staying open, trusting, happy and calm while awaiting your tardy Prince or Princess can be tough.

Sometimes I miss being in love so much that I swear I am losing my sanity. I feel so alone that I have to yell OWWWWWWWWW in the painful silence. I want to pick a fight with God and screetch like a petulant child: “Hey No FAIR, MY TURN, YOU PROMISED, When Are We Going to BE THERE?”

The following moves help me stay on course:


Centering myself.

Remembering this: Alone is where I am right now. I’ve been in the loving place before. I can be there again. If I stay positive and trust my Higher Power, something good will happen.

In the meantime, I will marvel at the process.

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Posted by on July 3, 2011 in Clarity, Essays


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