Are you sitting down at your computer desk?
Of course you are.
What I’m about to tell you might well be the most exciting non event in the history of my non love life.
The other day I got an email from the robocops who run Twitter saying that a former boyfriend was following my Tweets. After my heart stopped fluttering, I had the biggest realization of my life:
It’s impossible to follow me on Twitter. I DON’T TWEET. I mean never. Never EVER.
So what could my nerdy Ex be up to?
I pondered the possibilities and suddenly it hit me: He desired to be my…FRIEND. No biggie. I found him on Facebook and sent a friend request.
Absolutely no response. Rien. Nada. Uthing-Nay.
Perhaps a slightly more personal touch would rekindle our connection. I lobbed an email in his direction saying I’d love to receive a text, phone message, internet message, perhaps even meet for a quaint cup of coffee. It was a pretty cheeky thing to do. I’ve always been somewhat overbearing.
Again the response was pure, crystalline silence. It was almost beautiful.
Clearly this man wanted one thing and one thing only: He wanted to follow the tweets of a non tweeting member of Twitter.
To put it another way, he longed to experience the cyber equivalent of one hand clapping.
My conclusion? He was on a religious pilgrimage in cyberspace.
I lit a candle for him. Flameless and battery operated, of course.