Waiting For My Prince

12 Feb

As a Valentine’s Day gift to my readers, I have compiled a list of song titles that represent the most common and dangerous myths about love. I hope you will find this useful and refer to it as often as needed:

Some Day My Prince Will Come:

It took me half a lifetime to realize that HRH was never going to show up and the only attractive man I would ever see on a horse would be the guy in the Old Spice ads. Here’s how it really goes: You wait for the Prince and while you are checking your cell phone for texts and scanning your online dating service for the millionth time, some other dude shows up and he’s not bad so you end up with him.

Here’s the good news: the more time you spend with your commoner, the more Princely he seems, and if you don’t break up, you will probably fall in love with him and get to dress up like a Princess for your wedding.

I’m Just A Girl Who Can’t Say No:

I went through a phase of thinking I was a Yes woman. It turned out I was just drinking too much. So I gave up drinking and the floozie fled. Here’s the truth: I wasn’t that girl. You aren’t that girl. Nobody is that way all the time. If you have tendencies in that direction, you need to learn the word NO and use it early and often. Fun Fact: There is a fantastic website that teaches you how to say No in 520 languages. Fabulous for the single female on the road. I recommend it:

I’m Gonna Wash That Man Right Outta My Hair:

If only it were easy  and quick to scrub your head clean of a troubled love affair. To me banishing thoughts of a beloved from one’s brain is much more like removing head lice than simply shampooing. It takes repeated treatments, combing every strand, looking for the beastly biting critters and often discovering that in spite of all your efforts the lice still cling to your hair. Unless you want to shave your head, there is no easy option for losing them. You just have to repeat the treatment until the last one is gone.

I’ll know When My Love Comes Along:

Oh how I wish this were true! If only I could say to you that I had never made a bad romantic choice. Alas, some of us can really pick ’em. Not once but again and again and again. Where did I get my taste in men? Is it true, as one of my exes suspected, that I have LSD running in my veins? Perhaps it was my childhood reading list: Nancy Drew, Oz Books, Archie Comics and Joke Anthologies? Maybe I can trace my tragic flaw to a toy collection heavy on Barbie dolls and Trolls. Whatever doomed me, I have found it to be true that we do learn from painful choices and over time get better at spotting romantic potential (or at least lacing up our running shoes).

People Who Need People:

I’m not even going there. Needing people is just a bad idea. It’s where all the trouble starts. I will admit that a lot of relationships are fueled at least in part by need but it’s a dangerous emotion. You have to handle it very carefully, peeps.

I Only Have Eyes For You:

As credulous as I am, I never believed this one until a man who later broke my heart told me endlessly that it was so. After he dumped me, he went on to court another woman with the exact same eyes, and moves, he used on me (and I’m pretty sure he used the same phrasebook of mosts, bests and onlys).

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Posted by on February 12, 2011 in Essays, Hopeless Devotion


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