Anybody Seen My Wagon?

16 Jan

Call it crazy. Blame it on denial. Or maybe you are too drunk to notice.

Sometimes it’s hard to know for certain if you have fallen off the wagon.

To help those who might face this brain teaser, I have compiled the following list of Surefire Signs You Are Drinkin’ Again:

1)OVERCOME by intense feelings of Universal Love and Understanding, you call an ex who left you for dead and tearfully proclaim your deeply spiritual and unconditional love.

2)LOOKING in the mirror, you wonder why you never realized how fabulously perfect your features are.

3)FEELING gorgeous and confident, you call your ex again and leave the meanest message in telephone history.

4)TURNING your Ipod up,  you agree with John Mayer that your body “is a wonderland.” You realize that you must hook up with someone immediately even though it’s 4 in the morning and there are no hunks on your speed dial.

5)FEELING like a hot mess, you call your ex a third time and offer a saucy invitation to spoon–NOW or NEVER.

6)SWOONING at the prospect of an imminent assignation, you undo a few buttons, spritz on a quart of cologne, dance around giddily, sit down on the couch and black out.

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Posted by on January 16, 2011 in Recovery Journal


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