I’ve been combing through my closets, browsing in my basement and watching back-to-back episodes of “Hoarders” for inspiration.
I’ve also been thinking about some things I would love to sell if there were a market for them. Here are my top ten choices:
1)My love handles and muffin top.
2)I have an exquisite collection of complaints, suitable for framing.
3)Childhood baggage in every shape, size and color.
4)Snappy comebacks for all occasions. I’d rather sell them than say them.
5) My over-active imagination. I have plenty to spare.
6)Sobriety must be worth something. Could I sell space on my wagon?
7)Overblown hopes and expectations. It’s time to pass those down to someone younger.
8)My manifesto, complete or in parts, on what would happen If I Ruled the World.
9)The companion manifesto containing all of my wild and crazy ideas for businesses, products, religions, fashion crazes, political systems, criminal justice solutions, and personal advice for celebrities.
10)The complete unabridged never before seen compendium of all of my unwanted opinions, unsolicited advice, dubious theories, neurotic assumptions, paranoid resentments, bad decisions, evil thoughts, vanity and jealousy, dreams of stardom, selfishness, and all the other negative character traits that I am waiting for my Higher Power to remove. Forget selling. I will GIVE those away.